whatever

Ok so like this totally sucks! Once again, my premonitions are right. I knew weeks ahead that this was gonna go sour. Call me a pessimist but I saw it coming, what were the chances?? When all the odds were against us?

I still love him, and personally I think the decision is a wrong one. But, w/e. it is what it is I guess/ idk. But one thing I did appreciate from this relationship, I learned a lot! My last bf was cold and didnt treat me right. This one, told me he loved me on a daily basis, and tried to prove so in what ways he could.

Funny thing is neither of us want to be apart. The idea of being with someone else? No thanks. Im just not interested in anyone else. I get guys hitting on me all the time and frankly is fun, but is all it is. Just fun.

Was fun cus in the first convo there was no mention of what I was wearing, what he was wearing (or rather not wearing) how horny I was or how hard he was. Nothing of that sort. He was real and fun to talk to. We developed a friendship, and our relationship grew from that.

He is my friend first! And of course my lover too. And I think I may have lost that. I love him, as a friend, as a lover, and as a person.

I think we are making a mistake, I think we belong together. But im not gonna force it. If he really does want me. It'll show.

I don't want to "say" I'll wait for him, since timing isn't right for us right now. But really and honestly, I will. And if by chance I find someone, then we really were not meant to be. But in the mean time, neither of us do? I would defiantly take him back, and I would hope the same of me.

It just kills me cus I want to building on what we have(not had but have). But instead we are apart.

I just heard this song…describes how I feel …

'Cause you made it hard to breathe
When you're not with me.

…

Yeah

I keep hearing these songs, its almost annoying, everything reminds me of him or how I feel or what I love about him, god Im getting sappy now

He taught me that I am beautiful, and attractive, something worth having. He taught me that a guy should tell me how he feels about me, and if he loves me to say so. He was never afraid to take it to the next step. Always open to anything. He never pushed me; if I didn't want to do something, never pushed. Always if I wanted to do something, even if it put himself out, encouraged me to do that. Like if I wanted to have a family night, he encouraged me to do that. Instead of spending time with him. Put off my flight, so I could go to a concert with my family. Something I wanted to do, and he postponed our trip so I could go.

WRITTEN ON  2/28/08