just another extra-ordinary heartbreak

 

Well so much for “‘forever and ever’ amen”. Another heartbreak comes and goes…

 

Ive loved and again, lost. I guess idk so we have broken up, and once again, im left with my heart in a million and one pieces on the ground to pick up. The suppose-ed “superglue” that was holding my heart together from my last relationship, finally gave out.

 

Its funny my “premonition” wasn’t really a premonition, we didn’t fight and break up over it, but I did know the forever shit wasn’t really real.

 

Speaking of the forever, the first time he told me he loved me forever, and all that, I actually rolled my eyes. Cody made relationships SO mortal for me so I was cynical over the forever with you an all. Then as time wore on, and I began to fall for Jeremy, I started to slip on my theory, that this was just another one. Maybe?….just maybe?... is it possible? Dare I say it, that he might be “the one”. And it felt as if the instant I wholeheartedly believed we belonged together, he broke up with me. And then two days later, yup another girl was on the line.

 

Hook line and sink ‘er, ….and then……….dump ‘er!  

 

Idk, every time I think about it, I get really pissed off. I fell for him, I actually fell for him. I feel like such a bumbling, idiot fool. God im glad my amber told me what she did, when she did, because I would have lost her over some guy, who I, ironically, am still madly in love with.

 

And I told him, and gladly tell him again, im the best girlfriend he’s ever had, or will ever find. I know that sounds conceited, but its something that im frankly proud of. I am just that good, Im not high maintenance, and just the best there is.

 

I must have a blinking neon sing over my head, “PLEASE take my boyfriend”!! this is number two! First it’s Kara with Cody, and this new chic with Jeremy. Whats next? Or rather WHO is next?!

 

Its been said three times this week to me, actually was a complaint TO me not about me, but its true for me too, the good guys (or girls) always finish last….. guess it really is true.   

 

Its so sad too…the people I would like to date or whatever are either a) Taken

                                                                                                               b) Straight

                                                                                                               c)all of the above

but funny enough the ones that DO want me, are either unattractive to me or are sickos or for some other random but reasonable reason!

 

 

GOD!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

And sad enough, im honestly scared to go out on a date…im shy. Im so used to doing online dating, 4 relationships out of 5 online. After number 3, said NO MORE ONLINE! Yet yupp I found another to fall for and get broken over. Today was really the first time I was able to cry about it all. I fell so hurt and lost. We spent so much time together! So much time. And no I don’t regret , not one moment of our time spent together. Every second was precious to me. Still is.

 

Im taking my relationships, and analyzing them (to death might I add) and taking what I can out of them. Ive learned many valuable lessons from each person. Trying to see the silver lining in each cloud. It’s a damn good thing that I love rain. Fighting depression isn’t as easy as it sounds. Thankfully I didn’t fall on my face and get soo lost like I did with Cody.

 

I have a job…

Mom and I are doing relatively well…

Im getting closer to my dad as each day passes…

My sister feels more like my kid everyday, I love her so much and finally we have clicked and its just working…

 

Im learning how to get around independently, will have my license in 3 months, I’ll have a car shortly after and my own place within 6-9 months, or so.

 

See I am trying, I really am…im trying to move on, not fall back into depression, if some guy can come along trip me up to make me fall for him and knock me on my ass and stay there and pout, then I guess im WAY too easy. I refuse to be too easy, I am a strong woman, and can hold my own, I really do hope that some guy (or whomever) comes along and can really truly “be the one”.

 

Meanwhile, I do hope the best for all my ex-es, especially My Jeremy. He really is a great guy, but wasn’t in the cards of fate for us to be together right now, maybe sometime in the future. Who knows?

 

Anyway that’s all from the deep inside of my broken heart