an over-due update...a waaay over-due update

Ok so it's been like forever since I've blogged…so much in my life has changed. I went from wanting to die, in the beginning of January, then I met a guy and he became my obsession, and life, and then by the beginning of March, it was over…just like that. Over.

Through that time, I got a job, and though I only worked there for a month, I worked my ass off! I spent a lot of time alone, but understand I enjoyed it immensely! I experienced an amount of freedom that I just couldn't get enough of. But shortly after my last relationship ended… a group of guys came into my restaurant and had dinner… a group of guys that I am now good friends with. In that group I met, Chris, Martin, Joe, Markus, Alonso, and Cory. And out of the 6 guys, Chris and I hit it off really well. And now I am happily in a serious relationship with him.

I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. No, he isn't perfect…not by a long shot. But he loves me and takes care of me. He is a wonderful lover, friend, and confidant.

You know it really started in the theaters. At least I think so. I guess that's when the attraction was made obvious. As a group hung out and ended up at the theaters, several of the guys work there. I was looking at the movies and we (Chris and I) were talking about them. 10,000 B.C. came into conversation, and he asked if I wanted to see it, I said sure. At that point I didn't care what we saw. All I cared about was getting closer to him and spending as much time with him as humanly possible. Lol So we went and saw it, all through the movie we pinched and slapped and tagged each other, we were like kindergarteners, the little boy does something irritating to the little girl and she tries to get back at him. Yup that was us. Lol But the whole while I was thinking how hot he was and how much I liked him. There were a few times that there was a lull in the movie, and we locked eyes, GOD I could have laid a hot kiss on him. I WANTED TO SOOOO BAD! Lol I just wasn't so sure of myself so I waited…and waited… and waited. So the movie ended. Shortly after, I had to leave. Later that night we are texting and I find out that he wanted to lay a hot one on me too! But he wanted to string things out, lol, making me wait.

So two days later we arrange to hang out between my shifts, but this time it's just the two of us. I don't know if I was being presumptuous or not, but because of the definite chemistry and the fact that I liked him a lot I considered it our first date. So of course, I had the "first date nerves" that previously weren't there. We had hung out before, in group settings, but not just the two of us.

So after my first shift ended, I texted him that I was out, and we decided to meet at quiznos. He said he would be there in 10 minutes, leaving me to the "pre-date" nerves. I know a girl that works there, Tanisha. So I gossiped to her about my date and how nervous I was. She was happy for me and it just made me jitterier. I see him pull up on his bike (yeah he has a black street bike, HOT I know!) and take his helmet off. OMG he sooooo f***ing hot!!!! Lol THANK GOD he wasn't hungry, cus as it goes, I can't eat on first dates; my stomach is in too many knots. So we decide to walk around, and we talked and enjoyed the company.

On our way we find this lil dirt road and decide to follow it (near the mill next to lowes). It turns out to be a dead end but really pretty. We turn around and slowly find our way back, and in one of our conversations we are having a playful banter and I don't remember how it came up but like…I said something sassy, or maybe he did, but any how one says something sassy and ends it with "so whatcha gonna do about it" or something along those lines. Yeah and so I turn around, I'm like a foot away from him, look him dead in the eye and stare him down. My heart is pounding; my breath is short and quick. My mind is racing. And I'm thinking "god I just wanna…" and I reach up and kiss him. And of course he returns the kiss. Funny thing, and I know this sounds really, really corny, but the moment took my breath away and so it was kinda hard to breath right. He stole my breath. LOL and yeah so there you have it, our first kiss, from there we sat up on a rock mound thing, and talked. But all things must come to an end, so it was getting time for me to head back. We walk back, and we still have time to spare, but he lets me go early. Tells me later, that if we hand prolonged it any more, that he wouldn't have let me go… <3 <3 <3

Two days later, we go out again. And by the end of our date, we are official. He wants me. And there is no other that I want more. So we made it official. Our relationship just grows and blossoms from there. Then on the 26^th, he tells me he loves me. Yup he said it first. And I almost let it slip first, but I wanted someone to say it to me first. And he did. He told me he loved me first! :-D <3

I saw him almost every other day, or every three days, something like that. Then the 28^th was his b-day, but we didn't party till, the 29^th, a Saturday. We all got drunk and had a blast, the guys played beer pong and boxed. I decided to box a girl, Courtney, with whom I'm friends with now. She and I hit it off really well. We hung out and acted like stupid drunks. Later we all went to Denny's and from there someone dropped Chris and I at his house. From there I waited for my mom to pick me up there. By 2:30…ish… she picked me up and OMG was THE LONGEST drive back home. Got home, and C-R-A-S-H-E-D!!! Lol

But the thing that was the coolest thing… though it was Chris's party. I was the birthday boy's girlfriend. So therefore I got a lil of the attention. And I felt so cool for once. I didn't feel left out, or an outsider. For once I got to be one of the cool kids. I was cool cus I was his gf…I know I'm weird but that's what I wanted for most of my school life. To fit in, and I think I finally fit…just maybe, I might be able to fit it…I just might have grown out of my "awkward stage".

My baby is also part of a band, The Call Girls. One of the coolest bands I know of. I really am NOT into punk/rock/metal. And that's kinda what they play, but I like their music. So anyway, at the time, Chris played bass for the band, and on April 4^th, they played their first live show at Scotty's house. Was the shit!!

Then I didn't see him for like a week! Well it was more exactly 6 days, but god I spent 6 days at the house and I was going insane!

So anyway yeah I've been hanging out with Chris, our friends, finding out who is cool and to be friends with, who is a bitch and/or a dick and not to hang with.

I need to get a f***ing JOB! I hate relying on other people. And I need a car…and a place of my own. I want to move out of my dad's house before my 19^th, which is in November. I don't know if that will happen or not, but it's worth a shot.

I'm toying with the idea of going back to school. Like collage. Do I want to do the catering/ party planner thing? Or do I want to the design/ graphics thing? Do I want to work for a magazine company doing picture/ text layouts? Do I want to pursue photography and maybe land my dream job with National Geographic? Do I want to be a Vet Tec.? I'm too old to pursue my dancing career, sadly…

I don't know I just have so many ideas, plans, dreams, wants, desires, and I know I'm young enough to still have or attain them but I feel like I'm looking at a 10,000 piece puzzle yet to be put together. The puzzle is my life, and I have only a handful of pieces put together…a small handful. You know life was so much easier when all you had to figure out was what extra classes you want next year in school, or how to complete a gi-nanomous project due by Friday. School was our lives and what consumed most of our lives. Now that high school is over we have to become adults and figure out this huge project called life. And you can't call out a do-over. You only get one shot at it. Do or die right?!

To top that all off, my wander lust is driving me insane. I want to go on a drive. Just hit the road with a tank full of gas and go. I don't care where. But somewhere! Just get me outta here. I guess I really am my mother's daughter. I really am a gypsy at heart.

Anyway, enough ranting, that's all from inside my unsure heart…